Stink Bombs!

INSTRUCTIONS:

First you need an old LP cardboard sleeve and some diet modification. Consume large amounts of greasy food (White Castle, Taco Bell, etc.) and drink large amounts of cheap beer - I highly recommend Hamms or Pabst Blue Ribbon. When those hershey squirts begin, take a big runny dump in the LP sleeve. Oh yeah, make sure there are no holes in the LP sleeve, sucka!

Now the fun begins... slide the open end of the sleeve under the victim's door. Try to spill as little shit as possible. Now, STOMP HARD on the LP sleeve - spraying your splooge all over in the poor asshole's room!

Dispose of the LP sleeve - and imagine the look on the face of that sorry asshole when they unlock the door and get hit with aroma of fresh feces! This one's guaranteed to give you the chuckles for a couple weeks.

You'll need da following ingredients:

• one large glass jar (with lid)
• water
• one small freshly killed animal
• (optional) pack of smokes
• (optional) one M-80 or smaller explosive firecracker

To construct dis "Stink bomb from Hell", you takes a good sized glass jar (those jars used for sun tea work great). Drop ina freshly killed animal. Animals about the size of a squirrel work best. I know a bunch of Animal Rights goons will accuse me of condoning the killing of their pets. I don't want your fucking ferret anyway. Dumpster diving behind vetinerian offices and pet shops will yield many fine specimens for dead meat sun tea. Roadkill works as well.

So you dropped the dead whatever in the jar. Now fill the jar half full with water. IMPORTANT: Fill the jar only half full and cap very tightly!! Place the jar in a warm sunny spot and watch it ferment for at least a week. Do this outside because if the expanding gasses crack the bottle in your kitchen, you'll evacuate faster than a war zone refugee.

METHODS OF DETONATION:

• Party Surprise! - This is easy! Toss the fucker into a crowded room and watch 'em puke!
• Time Bomb - Tape an M-80 to the side of the jar, and stick a cigarette through the fuse. Light the cigarette and walk away fast.
• Trunk Method - Put the "stink monster" in the trunkm of your friend's car. One good bump and you'll be laughing and puking like never before!

HEY SPLOOGES! Here are a few more stink bomb recipes guaranteed to piss off anyone. Remember, be creative!

• Tossed Meatballs - Simple balls of raw ground beef in strategic locations can do wonders. Heating ducts and under car seats are classic places.
• Chicken Soup - Raw chicken and buttermilk in a glass jar will ferment beautifully. The expanding gasses will crack the jar so no detonator is needed.
• Shrimp Special - For you sea-food lovers, raw shrimp stuck anyplace outta the way. If there's a stereo in the house, check the speakers for a "bass reflex" hole. Plop a few of those shrimpies in there and they won't come out 'til some pissed off sucker takes the speaker apart while holding his or her nose!

Hey kids, Summer is here. So what ya' gonna do? Well, instead of hanging out, how about some REAL nasty summer fun? That's right, the dreaded "Piss Filled Water Balloon." What a great way to let someone know how you really feel about them! I know a bunch of you rocket scientist types tried to piss directly into a balloon a few times and probably got yourselves drenched in urine.

Here's what you need:

• Beer
• Balloons
• A funnel (optional)
• A bottle (size depends on how much beer you drink)

First you need piss. Beginners should first piss in a bucket, then transfer to the pop bottle using funnel. If you are an experienced pisser, you can show off by pissing directly into the pop bottle. Women who can piss directly into the bottle get Toxic bonus points. After filling the bottle, inflate a balloon. Place the end of the balloon over the mouth of the bottle - do this without letting any air out. After the balloon is on the piss bottle, turn the bottle upside down. The air will displace the piss in the bottle and fill the balloon with your "golden elixir."

Imagine the fun at open air cafes filled with yuppies - or the look on the idiot on your doorstep when you "show" him you don't want to hear about his religion or buy any cookies against drugs!